The Peach Story

After 22 years of total shameless ignorance, I finally decided to solve the mystery head-on. At S&R a few weeks ago, I marched up to the Fruits Section and picked up a peach.

"Soo," I said, while stroking my chin, "THIS is a peach."

I'm kidding, Of course I didn't do that. I just dropped it into our cart and went on. I didn't let on, though, I was really REALLY excited to have bought a peach. Yes yes, it was my first time to see an actual peach, (shame on me!) and I was surprised by a number of things about it:

•  A peach is, really, fuzzy. Body Shop wasn't fabricating when they gave one of their fragrances the name "Fuzzy Peach." It was one of my favorite scents until the bastards pulled it out of their shelves. 
• Peaches are pretty large. If you look at the labels of canned peaches, the fruit looks as though it’s about the size of a small fist. That isn't true. A peach is probably as large as a Fuji Apple.
• They don't smell like anything aren’t the least bit fragrant.

This needless preoccupation with the fruit is all Kelvin's fault. For a good number of years, I was pretty convinced that canned peaches were the real deal, or if they weren't, then perhaps they didn't taste all that different from fresh peaches. That sure was an effective scheme to keep a curious kid at bay. But you see, some schemes always collapse at some point.

And that particular one did a few years ago, when I was watching TLC with him. During a commercial break, I asked him if he ever ate an actual peach (Note: As a kid, he lived in the States).

"Sure," he said. "But they're very different from canned peaches."

"They are??" I was surprised. "So how do they taste like?"

He made a face. "They taste lousy."

"OH, come on!!!" I sat up. "They can't be THAT bad. Aren't they sweet? Or gritty like pears?"

"They're bland. They taste lousy. I never liked it."

Okay. And so when we left S&R  that afternoon, I sped back to the our house, took out the peach, and began peeling it. I wasn't even sure if it is really appropriate to peel the said fruit, or if peach-peel is edible, but I was pretty sure I don’t want all those fuzzy peach-peel inside my mouth. Then, I took a  bite.

Kelvin is a big ass liar!!!! I though. So, I got my phone from my bag and called him up.

"HELLO?" He barked after a few rings.

"Hey, Kelvs."

"Good afternoon,Tin. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good." He can get so formal sometimes.

"Guess what, I bought a peach today. I found one in S&R and --" I was chewing and my mouth full of the fruit. "--and I'm eating it right now."

He laughed. Really? That's nice. So how is it?"

"Oh, it's really good!!." It actually wasn't 'really' god, just good, but I wanted my opinion of the fruit to be as dramatic as his. "It tastes like apples, doesn't it? Not quite as spongy as apples are, peaches are a lot fleshier."

"Good, good. You bought it in S&R?"

“Yup.” Then I looked at the peach in my hand. "You told it tasted lousy. It doesn't. Oh god, this stuff's really good." Then I wondered briefly if I was overdoing it. Sure, peaches taste good, but you don't say "oh god" while eating it. Dammit, I was beginning to sound like a royal dork. "By the way, I also bought a bag of grapes, apples, lots of lettuce, tomatoes, and carrots. You'll be happy to know that I eat vegetables now, especially carrots."

"That's very good!!." He probably still thinks I'm 10 years old. Either that or he thinks I’m one of our family dogs. "It's good that you're eating vegetables now. And fruits are really nice, you know."

"Well, so there you go." I paused for a bit. "But peaches do taste like apples, don't you think?"

"Yes, yes they do." He grunted. "But I don't like apples, anyway. I never liked them."

He is hopeless.